“The amazing thing is that every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. And, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than your right hand. It really is the most poetic thing I know about physics: You are all stardust. You couldn’t be here if stars hadn’t exploded, because the elements – the carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron, all the things that matter for evolution – weren’t created at the beginning of time. They were created in the nuclear furnaces of stars, and the only way they could get into your body is if those stars were kind enough to explode. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.”

• “A Universe From Nothing” by Lawrence Krauss, AAI 2009 (16:50-17:23

For $1.00 I could not turn this book down (I also seem to be unable to use contractions, choosing instead to write like Data speaks on ST:TNG…*sigh).  Why, you ask?  Well, let me tell you from tip to toe:

1. The opening illustration is of a man in hot pants and high heels with the caption, “And then men were all so gallant and tall”

2.  The author dedicates the book to every boy and girl. Within the dedication is the gentle reminder that “Lovable, humorous, whimsical stroies each one teaching its own lesson to the children who appear in them and to their animal friends who behave, after all, a great deal like you and me.”  On page 52 the author relates the tale of the three little pigs and how the last piggy boiled the wolf to death and ate him for supper. Lovable and whimsical indeed.

3.  The little small red hen is an ode to vigilante-ism, finally tired of the bullying foxes in her neighborhood she breaks down and kills them by scalding water..”scalding water that spalshed in every direction”…she left them lying there and the hen…”But the hen lived happily, just as before…” Makes me think of Michael Douglas in “Falling Down”

4.  If anyone says the 30′s were a gentler and kinder time, where people were innocent and better behaved…that people treated eachother with respect…those golden days, happy olden days…they’ve not read ‘Little Black Sambo’…Oy what a strange and questionable story.  For gracious sakes, his mother is named Black Mumbo and his father Black Jumbo.  Apparently if I had been worthy of a tale in the 30′s my name would have been something like Pasty Lumbo…I did however like the fact that the story highlights pancakes and the eating of hundreds of them.

5.  The introduction of character names that are just plain silly; Goosey Poosey, Ducky daddles, Gander Pander.  BY the way, Foxy Loxy takes a bite out of Henny Penny…it did not kill her, just snapped a bit off…so in the end, the fox gets the last laugh.

6. There is something infinitely attractive about a book that straddles the line between cloyingly sweet and macabre, where pigs eat wolves and tigers steal satin lined slippers…it’s like a lost pacifier in a puddle.

It’s funny how one thing can lead to another…a few weeks ago I discovered the TV show “The Big Bang Theory”. The show is hilarious and the characters make oodles of references to Star Trek, as they’re much like my IMps and I…Geeks. Proud geeks.  Once Star Trek was firmly stuck on the brain I searched about on Netflix and found Star Trek Voyager, one of the shows I never really watched (I was/am a huge ST:TNG fan) when it was on the the air…I tend to be the sort that is very late on the bandwagon of shows, falling in love with them well after the final air date.  Voyager is no exception, I love…love…love this show.  It may have to do with the fact that I’m also a huge fan of Kate Mulgrew’ from Ryan’s hope all the way to Heartbeat. She has not disappointed in Voyager.

I’m not a big ribbon wear-er, they’re like crack to my fears and my anquishes.  But this ribbon, this is one I think a lot of us wear on the inside…it’s about being aware that few of us get to wear the satin sash of Mr. or Miss Normal.  Some of us cut ourselves…some of us have days we can barely crawl off the couch and greet the new day and yes, some of us shake and cry and throw up…but we also do what we have to get by. Some days are easier than others, days like the one that The Bloggess posted this posting (what the heck do you call a posted posting, but a posted posting I suppose) this was a good day…a day where I think oodles of us heard ‘Flight of the Valkyries’ as the day’s theme song.

The Bloggess

I’m knitting ‘Kimono Shawl’ from  Folk Shawls by Cheryl Oberle.  This is a beautiful shawl that has caused me quite a few froggings, thankfully I’ve completed 3 of the 24 row pattern repeats and only have 21 to go!

Yesterday I had my first mammogram ever.  I’ll be the first to admit I don’t handle medical testing well, not well at all.  It bascially terrifies me.  I have anxiety issues, nerve issues, and tend to break down crying at some point.  I may even get sick.  These are not facts to be proud of, but facts they are.

As previously stated on this blog, I’m someone who is hyper aware of breast cancer (and oodles of other ailments as well).  If I were assigned a pink ribbon, mine would be day glo pink…the brightest and most annoying available.  To say I take this sort of thing in stride would be like saying rocks are good swimmers.

I was a wreck yesterday and by the time the actual appointment came I was barely keeping myself together.  Thank goodness for Judy and her kind heart. She showed me all the pics of my breasts, assured me that nothing screamed terrible frightening cancer and even made me laugh.  This of course was after I cried like an inconsoluble child and threw up…thankfully not on either of us…

I’ve spent the day terrified of the ringing phone, that message of doom…so at 3:10 when it rang and the words ‘Erlanger’ popped up on the screen I was ready to fall apart…it was Judy, she took time out of her busy day to let me know the test was totally normal. She just wanted me to have a peaceful weekend.  How wonderful is that???

Just 364′ish days until next year’s nervous breakdown…Yay…*sigh* I console myself with the fact that Helen Mirren is 66 years old, meaning she’s had roughly 26 mammograms and is basically sane.

*I thought I’d post a pic of boobs…happy, perky ones…with this post…hypocondriacs be warned…Do Not Google ‘breasts’ and hit image…nightmares will begin…

Fast forward 20+ years and I find myself living with an addict.  And the addiction isn’t anything glamourous sounding or heart rending (not that addiction is glamourous, but no commercials or posters with stars and slogans).  I live with an online gaming addict.  It sounds silly and trite when I say it out loud and even more so when I read my words in black and white.  But, there it is.  He can spend 16 consecutive hours online with friends across the globe, hunting dragons and garnering treasure…meanwhile real life goes on.  I’m basically a single parent; he has little or no interaction as a parental figure and at his best is more like a beloved, cool uncle than actual father.  Oh for certain he’ll yell and wear the guise of a dad every few months or so, but for the most part his life begins and ends on his monitor.  Even his work suffers, he spends as little time at the office as possible.  He is still asleep when I take the kids to school and head to work myself and is home before the kids and I return from our days.

As for ‘us’, all that is left of ‘us’ is a piece of paper from the state of Montana that says we’re legally an ‘us’.  He asks how I sleep, because you see hasn’t slept with me in years.  He asks me how my day was, this is usually over his shoulder as he returns to his desk and computer.  He tells me I look nice or pretty or something of that nature. And that is all there is left to ‘us’.  I admonish myself a lot of the times, tell myself I should try more…be more loving…be more supportive…try to enjoy the times he reaches out to me, and not be bitter about the times he shuts me out…

I wish I could give Gov. Dukakis a hug, hold him close and say how sorry I am.  I should have never made fun of his wife’s illness and never made light of his painful journey.  I realize now, that no addiction is small.  All addictions leaves scars and sadnesses…addictions step on things, good things and grind them to a pulp.  Addictions spread like wild fire, touching and burning those around the abuser…I only know I’m alone…and scared of where my future lies…and uncertain of what to do or not to do…And that Gov. Dukakis probably felt those things too.

Last Friday I was introduced to a local tradtion; the Greek pastry/bake sale at the AnnunciationGreek Orthodox Church in downtown Chattanooga. Oh my good gracious, do the Ladies Philoptochos Society know how to bake!  I left with grocery bags brimming with goodies and must confess I ate many before I even got home! My only wish at this point is that they could make this a twice a year gig instead of just the once.

As the fall comes swirling in with skirts all aglow with fiery colors and cooler temps, I feel the need for old favorites…things that made me smile 20 years ago and that still do.  One of which is Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar series.  My mom read “Arrows of the Queen” to me when I was sick, I was 18 and whiney and she was very patient and kind.  I’ve lvoed Valdemar, it’s denizens, and of course the Companions ever since.  There’s something lovely and charming about this series, oh for certain there are harsh realities and not everyone lives to see the final pages…but I love them even more for that.  If you’ve the time her world is a wonderful one to romp about it.

The World Of Mercedes Lackey; the Official Website

I’m a huge geek about the Dewey Decimal system.  I even have a favorite call number, 919.904.  It’s the classification for guidebooks for traveling on extraterrestrial worlds.  Yep, you read that correctly “guidebooks for traveling on extraterrestrial worlds”.  Just like the guidebooks you can get for places like the Grand Canyon or the Great Wall of China, the Dewey Decimal system is ready for the next big step in vacations.

You see, the Dewey Decimal sysytem isn’t just designed for what is, but also for what will be.  And that right there is what I love, the system offers no doubt that one day we’ll be touring the likes of the empty riverbeds of Carme or that we can vacation on the rings of Saturn.  The system was created with the indomitable human spirit in mind, that spirit that rises to any and all occassions and asks, “Why not?”