Okey Dokey

Published February 16, 2012 by missharleyquinn

A few days ago, a friend and I were discussing my future status of single-ness…something that is just a few breaths away really, less than 90 days.  I was laughing about the absurdity of the whole thing, that for anyone who knows me and my recent past knows my life has fairly well been like that of a single person…minus the niggling little marriage certificate thing…when she said…

“I want you to come over, I’ll do your hair and makeup and let’s get you in some tighter clothing…I want to take you out dancing too.” For anyone who has seen me in person can attest, I would look like a complete idiot with more makeup,less clothing, and dancing for all to see…picture cookie monster in false eyelashes doing the hokey pokey.

I’ve thought a lot about that comment, I know she was well meaning in each and every word…she wants me to be happy, she wants me to find someone who makes me smile…on the basest of levels she wants to help me get laid…but, I’ve spent the last 10 years feeling inadequate in this realm…am I too fat? am I not pretty? am I one of the plain and lonely people? am  I basically unlovable and untouchable?

Why should I need to dress up like someone I’m completely not, to please someone I don’t even know? If someone is going to adore me, I want it to be for just that…me.

I almost went down the nasty rabbit hoel of “Maybe I should change everything…maybe I should attempt to be all the things I’m apparently not and then I just stopped. Smiled and realized I’ve found myself in the most unusual place…someplace where I’m pleased as punch to be  just me.  As Marilyn Monroe once remarked:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” 


6 comments on “Okey Dokey

  • Didn’t know things were moving in this direction. I am as sorry as I am happy for your future. Still if my favorite fictions of Star Trek, Doctor Who, Mad Men (yes Mad Men) have taught me anything its to continue moving forward. Good things in the future for you. Couldn’t happen to a nicer person, I think.

    The future is looking bright, there is something contagious and lovely about embracing truth. Although it’s sad to let go of something that has been a part of my life for so long, this relationship being the something, it’s unhealthy to cling to something that is no longer alive and vibrant. You’re so right, the past is the past…and my my heart longs for the ‘undiscovered country’. Thank you my friend. 🙂

  • Oh, I’m glad you didn’t take up her offer, as well meaning as it was! From personal experience I know what a big mistake it is to rush out to try to ‘meet someone’ too quickly after a breakup/divorce It takes time to heal…hell, it takes time to even discover where all the wounds are! This has the potential to be one of the most transformational periods in your life…no need to force yourself to do something that doesn’t feel right.

    You’re wisdom is such a gift…thank you for sharing…I’m taking thigns day by day, embracing truth and the gifts I find…and happy to find what the day holds. xoxox

  • Im sorry. It was insensitive. I didnt stop to see the BIG picture. It was a knee jerk reaction from a crazy MAKEUP ARTIST. Im used to fixing everything with fake lashes and glitter.
    for the record, the last time i was out dancing without Dave was approx 15 yrs ago and very unpleasant.. I think I was just being silly and insensitive…

    Oh sweetie, you are wonderful and sweet and I can’t thank the universe enough for bringing you into my life. And really, glitter and fake eyelashes help in so many areas, why not this one??? 🙂 You have nothing to apologize for! As you well know, I tend to measure the people in my life as to how they would react in a street fight…Girl, you are the best, I know no matter what you’ve got my back and don’t ever doubt I’ve got yours…I’d club someone with a pipe for you. 😉

    • since Im clearly not good with blunt or sharp objects (since I turn them on myself-its my cat like reflexes) YOU will be my cover in the street fight! I’ll paint a mural about it? deal!
      By the way… GOD IS GOOD! You were an answer to a prayer! Im tickled that we get to play ‘FAIRIES” FOR AT LEAST 6 MORE YEARS!!!

  • Ahhhh! I have had this happen to me! My best friend, a gay young man, well, his mother said the same things: tighter clothes! More Make-up! Heels! Arghhhh! I let her do it, even put on pantyhose and wore her clothes–since most of mine were not up to par, ugh. I looked damned good, but was not myself.
    Any make up or dressing up has to be self inspired. Some people don’t get cheered up with make-up and clothes (unless it’s the perfect $100 dorky euro sandal or something, or a long skirt that fits —my preferences).
    You’ll find love and companionship someday, and that person will not give a toss!

    Came here looking for Wild Hare Soaps… I also freak over Patchouli Soap.

    Welcome and bright blessings! Thank you for your words of wisdom and for stopping by. 🙂

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