A Matter of Choice

Published August 26, 2012 by missharleyquinn

My mom was hospitalized this morning. Over the course of the last 24 hours she suffered from extreme pain that she incorrectly believed was sever heartburn and acid reflux. At roughly the brunch hour she had a stent placed in one of her arteries, one that was 90% clogged. She’ll be in the hospital at least overnight, perhaps a few days. This is saddening, in so many ways.

From a purely basic,  primal place  this is my mom. It’s difficult to see her like this, knowing there is little I can do to help besides take on household chores and offer meager support. She’s not a big fan of being held or even talked to very much. She far prefers to watch Fox news or B rate horror films all day by herself, but she’s always been this way.

What this also brings home for me though, is that each day we have a choice…many choices actually. Every day my mom decides to smoke 4 packs of cigarettes. She has a closet full of nicotine patches, but in the end wants to smoke. Every day she avoids anything moderately healthy in her diet, I can’t recall if I’ve ever seen her eat a fruit or vegetable in my life, except a baked potato…with the added sour cream and butter I’m not certain that counts for much.

Sometimes, in the mornings as she’s digging into her second pack of cigarettes and third cup of coffee she wonders why she has so many health problems. It doens’t do any good to point out that 20 smokes before 10 is probably a good start on where things have begun to go wrong for her, but she scoffs at the notion if I do decide to say something.

Perhaps its selfish of me, but watching all of this just makes me want to make healthier choices for myself and my IMps. Makes me want to do what’s best, not what’s easy. Because frankly at some point easy becomes more difficult and painful than you can even imagine.  It’s horrible to think that in many ways my mother inspires me, but ina an equal amount of ways she serves as a warning about the choices I make…each and every day.

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4 comments on “A Matter of Choice

  • in all of our walks… not a mention of this nicotine and on such a large scale. I’m shocked and saddened that you’ve chosen to live in an environment that tortures you so, not only mentally, but physically. what’s the second hand smoke doing to you and your kids? Now I’m worried about you in a big way. I’m glad you’ve shared this intimate snapshot of your new life because I had no idea. You kept this aspect of your impending life well hidden. Maybe it wasn’t at your forfront either until you walked into it again.

    What’s next? Can you survive with this new threat to your happiness? Does it make you want to turn tail and run? Have you traded one rotten situation for another? Am I being brutal with my querry? I know these are questions you’ve asked yourselfe already.

    I wish you could hold your mother, console her, and talk about this health issue with her. I remember when I was in sixth grade I would take my mother’s carton of cigs and flush it down the toilet. I would get in huge trouble, but at one point my mother said it’s just too expensive to have her daughter hijack her smoke habit so she quit. I’m not suggesting that you do this because as you said, she’s so far gone she won’t listen to reason.

    I’m sorry your mom went in the hospital. I’m glad you could be there for her. I wish I could be there for you. I’m sending positive thoughts into the stars so that they may rain down on you when you look up in to the sky. I love you, Glenda. Happiness is still headed your way. Be well. xxxooo Mich

  • Wow Glenda! I had no idea that your Mom leads such an unhealthy life. Bless you for breaking away from that (I’m assuming you were raised in this type of environment as well) for yourself and your kids. My heart breaks everyday knowing my hubby chooses to smoke. I grew up with smoking parents (both of whom have since quit) and swore I would never fall in love with a smoker. Never say never cuz I did. I HATE it! My son was 5 before he knew about his Dad’s habit. It has and will be forever a huge wedge in our relationship.

    I will keep your Mom in my thoughts and prayers.

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