This evening marks the first date in my newly fashioned single-dom. This will be an ongoing post as I prepare for the night. First off, things probably not to say to the prospective date before the actual date (we’ve only messaged on an online dating site):
– I may not recognize you without the tree or camel. Maybe you could wear a Gandalf beard so I can find you.
– I won’t turn you into a newt the first time we meet. But, be careful Gingrich was named Brian before we met and look at how he turned out. We witches are a testy lot.
When getting ready for the date, some helpful hints on your evening toilette:
-It may not be the best idea to try dying those pesky grey hairs 2 hours before the date. As there may not be time enough to remove the dye that stained the outer reaches of your face and your neck. But, a magic sponge works wonders if you don’t mind smelling like a freshly groomed corpse…as they’re made from formaldehyde.
-With less than an hour to go, one might ask, why are you at Walmart buying hot dogs and cork boards? Why indeed…all I can say, is welcome to my life.
-Also, still need to shower because I smell like a newly made up corpse. And I have three zits. Someone, please pray them away.
-Home at last. IMp-ess has advised me that this gentleman may be my soul mate or serial killer, so to plan accordingly. I believe within the next 15 minutes everything will be clipped, plucked,shaved, moisturized, and ready for star crossed love or the morgue.
-Now, what to wear? This is always best left to the last 40 minutes.
– As an added challenge my parents started a grease fire in the kitchen. Add hickory smoked to the scent list tonight. Let’s just admit it, I’m going to be irresistible.
Made it there with time to spare and happily we both wore Chuck Taylors.🙂